Original Sin

You Must Be Like Children

By: Richard Rohr

Breathing Underwater & Radical Grace

Jesus said, "Unless you change and become like little children you will never enter the Kingdom of heaven" (Matthew 18:3).  You can't even recognize the Kingdom of heaven, He says, except through childlike eyes. I think a very legitimate interpretation of that is that all of us grew up in families where not all our needs were met-- families that carried degrees of darkness, and even abuse. Every one of us has been sinned against.

 That's really the doctrine of Original Sin: all of us carry the wound. We pass down that wound from father to child, from mother to child. Someday, each of us has to walk back through our family of origin to rename our fears and security needs, re-feel repressed emotions, re-own, relive and re-feel the things that we were never allowed to feel and never allowed to think. And that is, in truth, becoming like a child, because you feel like a damned fool when you do it. Yet without reliving and reclaiming the child's journey, you will nurse your wounded child forever.

Geez. This. Week.

As I get to know my students more, I see all the beautiful truths about them. They are fearfully and wonderfully made. They all have special gifts and talents. They have these silly sides and personalities that can make your day.

As I get to know my students more, I see the brokenness and effects of original sin. Their desire to get through things the easy way. To cheat, twist, and go against the rules that are set before to help them succeed. It's been maddening today as we have caught student after student being dishonest with their work. It's been maddening seeing this and knowing that they are only hurting themselves and their future. It's been maddening to see their potential go unreached.

The excerpt above came at a perfect time. These are kids that have been abused and neglected. These kids that are told they are not enough.  These kids are wrapped in original sin. These kids have eyes to see the kingdom of heaven.

Help me to have grace for your children. Help me to see your kingdom like that of a child. Help me to impart on them the importance of knowing you and not just knowing subjects. Heal our wounds and protect these kids from the strongholds that the enemy is trying to use and deceive them. Forgive me and give me grace.

Courageous

I had a rather humbling experience this week.

I was having issues with a student of mine who is normally kind, loving, and shines brightly.

Everyone has bad weeks. I know I do.

This week was particularly difficult for this student. I had found that some of her work was dishonestly done. In the midst of finding the correct punishment, I was being openly mocked, disrespected, and just felt like I was no longer wanted.

I have written about cultural fatigue and along with this kind of treatment I started to question why I was even here. The enemy had woven insecurities, exhaustion, and the circumstance I was facing to convince me that no one wanted me here. That I had left my friends, family, and comforts for nothing.

My fellow Haitian teacher noticed something different in me and came to confront what was going on. I didn't have to say anything but he spoke the truth and promise of hope in Christ.

He said,

Sometimes God brings you to places for reasons you do not understand. Sometimes He brings you to a place where you feel like you are not wanted. But take courage. He has brought you here. That's all that matters. Be courageous.

 I might not know exactly why I am here in moments like I had this week. But I will wait for the Lord to show me. If he doesn't, I will take courage and wait for the Lord.

Psalm 27: 14

Wait for the LORD;

be strong, and let your heart 

take courage,

wait for the lord.  

Grateful to say that I slept 11 hours last night and feel rejuvenated. Also, the discipline chosen will give many opportunities to work one on one with the student. Yesterday morning, this student even came straight to me so I could put my arms around her.

Hmmm, change in perspective.

Don't let the enemy speak lies into your circumstances. Don't let him rob you from a sweet embrace.

Be courageous.  

Cultural fatigue Part 2

Our Heavenly Dwelling

II Corinthians 5

5 For we know that if the tent that is our earthly home is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. ² For in this tent we groan, longing to put on our heavenly dwelling, ³ if indeed by putting it on we may not be found naked. ⁴ For while we are still in this tent, we groan, being burdened—not that we would be unclothed, but that we would be further clothed, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. ⁵ He who has prepared us for this very thing is God, who has given us the Spirit as a guarantee.

⁶ So we are always of good courage. We know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord, ⁷ for we walk by faith, not by sight. ⁸ Yes, we are of good courage, and we would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord. ⁹ So whether we are at home or away, we make it our aim to please him.

As I reflect over this day that I wish was a Friday, I started thinking about my loved ones feeling fatigued back home. Cultural fatigue started to make a little more sense to me. We are all in a type of cultural fatigue. We are all longing for something and are unsettled by things around us. Things feel out of place because we are longing for a different dwelling.

Be of good courage.

Cultural fatigue is only temporary.

Cultural Fatigue

Psalm 130

I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits,
    and in his word I put my hope.
 I wait for the Lord
    more than watchmen wait for the morning,
    more than watchmen wait for the morning.

 Israel, put your hope in the Lord,
    for with the Lord is unfailing love
    and with him is full redemption.

A friend who has done long term missions shared this point; "It's not cultural shock that can get you but cultural fatigue". This past week I felt, what I hope is, the brunt of cultural fatigue.

The monotonous daily activities in the heat and the realizations of the differences in my cultural and Haitian cultural struck me with such force I felt like a was going to succumb to it. That I wouldn't be able to be free of it. To be honest, I don't know if it will ever go away. Even if I stayed here for years, the reality of what I know and have experienced will always be so foreign to those I live life with here.

As I sit in the midst of this cultural fatigue and exhaustion, I can look back on life in the states and see a similar kind of feeling and longing. The wear and tear of life can make you feel like its force will overcome you. You feel like you are loosing. 

It doesn't matter where you are or what you are doing. If you are a stay at home mom working hard with never ending days for your family, an adult who is caring and trying to protect your older parents, or even a college graduate stuck in the in between for, what feels like, an eternity, fatigue chases you around.

I felt like I was loosing this week.  And I would have on my own.

But with Christ... He was, is, and will always be victorious.

I cried out day after day and sometimes needing to between each breath and he was with me. He not only took my burden but he walked with me. The weight didn't feel so oppressive any more.

So, bring it on, cultural fatigue.

Bring it on, life fatigue.

His love is an infinite victory.

Everlasting. Never failing.

Victorious.

Grace

Getting into the hang of life in Canaan.

First couple of weeks have been wonderful but the tough realizations have started to reveal themselves as I get into the grind of everyday life and things start to become more mundane as the newness wears off. I couldn't be more grateful for the people that surround me and the small ways that grace has been revealed.

The Lord gives you what you need. No more and no less.

Each day is an anointing of fresh grace that doesn't wear itself out until you lay your head down.

My internet/communication situation has been rough and my expectation of what it looks like to communicate with loved ones back home has had to change. I learned even in that, there is grace. I was starting to long for social media and home more than I needed too. I was getting stuck in the same lifestyle that I had back in the states. Maybe the fact that it has been difficult to communicate had been grace.

Maybe the fact that I was so emotionally exhausted to even cry about not being able to skype with my sister was grace.

Maybe sitting around with the girls, holding back tears and laughter as we ate brownies or laughing/screaming with Alisa as we stayed up late at night trying to kills flying cockroaches was grace.

Grace was what we needed, when we didn't know what we needed and it was what got us through.

Maybe life in Canaan is grace when we needed it.

Sun beams jetting behind the mountain during morning yoga.