Blue

Psalm 139

¹¹ If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,
    and the light about me be night,”
¹² even the darkness is not dark to you;
    the night is bright as the day,
    for darkness is as light with you.

As a child I was afraid of everything. If I saw something about a plague on TV, I was convinced I had it.  I was afraid when I saw a "Dead End" sign driving down the street. I thought I was going to be dead at the end of that street. I was even afraid of water. The worst thing to me though was darkness. Any noise in the dark would send me running to my parents. I was always afraid.

Alas, I did have a saving grace and its name was Blue. Blue was my comfort blanket who, despite its name, had no blue on it. (I was obviously a weird child.)

It's interesting to think about how a simple blanket brought so much comfort to my childhood. It calmed every fear, stopped my tears, and soothed my anxieties. I love thinking back on that blanket. I love hearing stories from my mom about my obsession over Blue.

Good Ole Blue.

Last weekend I had the most wonderful time with some friends that visited from my church. We got to laugh, play games, sing karaoke and step away from the pressures and frustrations that we can feel while serving in Canaan. It was rejuvenating, reassuring, and restorative. They were my Blue.

To continue with my blanket analogy.
Have you ever been wrapped up so tight in your sheets in the middle of the night that it scares you a little because you feel like you can't get out?

No? Just me?

Well, that was the feeling that struck me the hardest saying goodbye to these dear friends. I wanted them to stay. I wanted to go with them. I felt so desperate to get free. Unlike being stuck in my sheet for a few minutes, this feeling went on for days and didn't stop until I woke up this morning. As I had to settle back into the norms of life here, I longed to be with Blue. I longed for those things and individuals that ease my fears and soothed my anxieties.

Laying in bed and looking up at my ceiling covered in cobwebs, I got to experience the peace from the ultimate comforter. It is not just found under my mosquito net in Haiti. It is everywhere.

"Praise you. Oh, praise you. You are never far from us. Even when we feel lost and cloaked in uncertainty, you are in the midst beside us. Extending your hand to us. Ready to take the lead. So through it all, it is well because I hold on to the hand of a King. I get to cling to victory with every step I take. Of what is there to be afraid?  Though I may be in the dark what a marvelous light I am running to!"

As an adult, my fears haven't really changed. My heart aches when I hear the media talk about brokenness around the world. The feeling of drowning in the waters of adulthood. The darkness of uncertainty often overwhelms me. But I have a perfect Blue.

Good ole Blue.

Psalm 18

²⁸ For it is you who light my lamp;
    the Lord my God lightens my darkness.

Psalm 119

¹⁰⁵ Your word is a lamp to my feet
    and a light to my path.