Letter to a friend

Port in Saint Marc

"... It feels sweet here. It has confirmed that He called me and is walking with me through this. He has been working on my mind and spirit. There are no distractions here. Nothing to numb me from the elements of my sin. I can't hide it behind Netflix or social media. I can only hide in my savior.

This past week as I laid in my bed with my big bitten ankles and swollen feet, I looked up at my ceiling and found myself overcome with the goodness of my living Savior in a way I've never experienced.

Throughout my life, there have been countless nights where I stayed up, pleading with God to give me my desires. That night I already had my desire. His presence.

He was the only thing I needed. The only thing I wanted.

Christ as my love. Jesus as my friend. "

Written: 8/20/2016

Failure

Early Morning Yoga

My flesh and my heart may fail,  but God is the strength of my

heart and my portion forever."

 Psalm 73:26

One of the things that has stopped me in my tracks my whole life is the fear of failure. Anyone get what I'm saying? When I think about being a teacher, my first thought is "what if I fail my students?!" It's a joy killing thought that cements my feet so I can't even take another step.

This week I failed my students.

I'm still learning the ends and out of Canaan. I'm learning how give the curriculum well , how to discipline well, and how to prepare the kids well. It's been difficult by myself in the classroom and I have let a lot of things slip through the cracks.

As I left the school a couple hours later than it let out, I walked into my home and started to cry. I had failed my students by letting them fail. I had missed a step that could have secured some of their confidence and helped them past a test. I grabbed my bible and looked up failure. Psalm 73:26 is the first one I came to.

Then God placed " But God, being rich in mercy because of the great love in which He loved us..." (Ephesians 2:4-10).

The one promise I can be sure to keep in my life is that I will fail. I will fail my family, my friends, these kids and even myself. I will not be as loving, as compassionate, as humble, as *insert here* as God calls me to be.

But. God.

He will never fail us. It's not apart of his character. He is perfectly sufficient in my failure.

It reminds me of what one of my life mentors told me while she was suffering with cancer. "Don't let the fear of something keep you from the joy that God has in it." Do not stop because of failure because you will stop truly living.  It's unavoidable in this life.

"But God, being rich in mercy.. made us alive in Christ...and this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God... "

Fractions

Jesus surpasses my circumstances

This week I worked with a boy named Julio. He is sweet, kind, and struggles with math like most kids. We worked most of the evening on fractions with little growth until, finally, the math started to click. It wasn't just a mental change but also physical change. His eyes changed, his posture eased and he had new energy.

It was beautiful to see that transformation in Julio just over fractions.

I can look back over every season of uncertainty and see myself like I saw Julio with fractions.

Sometimes took it me longer to realize that Jesus surpasses my circumstances. Once that realization clicked, my eyes started to perceive differently, my posture expressed confidence and the hope that was given radiated through that circumstance.

Praise God for Fractions.

Comforter

"If the Lord had not been my help, my soul would soon have lived in the land of silence.

When I thought, "my foot slips," your steadfast love, O LORD, held me up. When the cares of my heart are many, your comfort cheers my soul."

Psalm 94: 17-19

I have a deep love for my community at Redeemer Community Church . Yesterday, as I was driving to my church for the last time for the next few months, I was getting a little emotional and anxious. My community has been a safe place of healing and serving over the past year.

As I pulled into the parking lot I  thought,

"What am I going to do without this place!?  My church has been my comfort through this year."

Immediately, my Lord tenderly reminded me saying

"No, I AM your comfort. I have not left you. Ever. I will never leave you. Where ever you go, I am there. Just take my hand."

The Lord has been preparing me and drawing me into Him throughout this process.

He has handled and given me every single resource that has been needed. He has granted me peace. He has covered me in mercy. He has instilled joy deep within me.

He is so good. He is my comforter.

Amen.