Unrequited

Unrequited love

One side takes and takes and takes. And takes some more. On the other,  is a choice to be love when someone is unable to accept it.

This is something I know well from my time at Canaan. Unrequited love should be a subtitle of ministry, especially when that ministry is concentrated on the children of abuse and neglect.

It has taught me that love is not only a choice but a gift to give when you may not get anything back but the insecurities and brokenness of another.

I have one student who my heart instantly cried out too. I knew there was an ache in him but didn't know from what. Over time, I learned that he was the product of abuse. My student was more than likely shamed by the abuser for the actions done to him. Just a child. Just a boy. He has kept on the shame even as he has come to a place like Canaan. A place of "liberation".

When he fails at something, I am to blame. The one whose love is unconditional is at fault.

Late last week, he didn't pass a test. His resentment or disappointment was placed on me. That night during homework help, he lingered around me. As he waited for me to turn toward him so that he could tell me he hates me, God gave me more insight about His love for us. His love of brokenness. At one of the last "I hate you"s of the night, I told him that I loved him. He repeated his sentiment towards me but I told him I didn't care. That no matter how many times he tells me he hates me, it won't change the fact that I can love him. That I want nothing more than to love him. He responded that he didn't want anyone to love him. I said it wasn't his choice. It was mine. I could choose to love him every day. 

Oh, how He loves us.

It's not that his words didn't sting. They did. Thinking back on them, they still do.  Unrequited love pricks your heart over and over again. But love is a choice. It is a choice that God has made since the beginning, to love for the sake of love. It is a choice to show gentleness and patience. Meekness. Joy in the face of shame.

That's the love that Jesus gives. I will fall short of showing love the way that He does but maybe that's to beat my flesh, to take my ego out of my work here so that I cannot boast in it.

If my student continues to tell me he hates me and I can keep my cool, it is definitely not on my own strength. I won't be able to boast at my own doing. It will have to be by grace alone. Grace in the form of love that is continually, eternally pouring over me.

It's taken a while to share this. The next day following this interaction, he apologized. Today, over a week late,  I got to celebrate with him for passing three difficult tests. I even got a big hug.

Unrequited love, sweet love.

1 Corinthians 13

13 If I speak in the tongues^[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. ² If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. ³ If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,^[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.